


Ash

by Lalayt



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Drama, Family Issues, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:19:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3300689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalayt/pseuds/Lalayt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A translation of Аш. In Russian available http://archiveofourown.org/works/827416</p>
<p>Many thanks to Pabu for the illustrations for this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ash

Ash shrugged and yawned again, taking advantage of the fact that his face was not seen under the helmet. He really wanted to sleep after a long night march, but, of course, he did not show it to anyone - for fear of being laughed at, though, he felt that that slow running of the animal began to lull him. Varg growled voicelessly - he really always was on the alert - and took a few jumps to the side, wagging his back. He tried to throw Ash down, so the drowsiness disappeared immediately. Hearing loud laughter of his friends, Ash growled, slightly hit the beast’s head with the handle of the knife and suddenly pricked up his ears.

\- Wait.

The wind brought a new smell from the west. It was not an orc smell, although it was the place where his squad of scouts had to connect with the main forces.

\- Dwarves, - Ash exhaled with hatred and took a bow.

His soldiers instantly reacted to the familiar motion, scattered in all directions, snatching the weapon from the sheath, but the next moment they were attacked. The attackers were dwarves indeed. It was strange to see them on this plain, because it would take three days mounting a young varg to get to their settlements. However, it did not matter. The main thing is to kill most of them. Ash discharged arrow after arrow, first aiming to the enemy finish off, but there were too many of them, and soon he had to shoot faster, just to stop the attackers. Someone next to him cursed hoarsely, someone prayed Black Fire, but he remained silent, not wasting his breath in vain.

The beast roared beneath him, becoming violent, and it was unfair to deprive him of the pleasure to fight, so Ash jumped from varg and slapped him on the side. It let out an understanding and thankful growl and then, crouching, rushed forward, grabbing the throat of a red dwarf. Alas, unsuccessfully, his armor that was good, and the fangs just grated on metal. Ash wanted to help finish off the red, but in the tangle of claws and steel it was hard to figure out who is who, and he did not dare to, in order not to hurt his friend.

He managed to release three more arrows - each found the goal - before the bow became useless, and then snatching the sword, rushed into the thick of the fight. Smaller than a normal orc, he was never strong as they were, but he compensated for this lack of flexibility and fury. Many paid the price of underestimating him. And again, a tall, strong warrior with tattoos on his bald head, laughed with anger and without looking, waved his ax, hoping get rid of him easily. And then he swore when his blow was struck aside.

Ash grinned contentedly under his helmet, jumped back, moving away from a new blow and staggered, losing his balance, slipping on blood. Dwarf immediately took advantage of his mistake, leaped forward, raising an ax to strike, but then slapped his eyes in surprise, getting hit by a dagger in the stomach. And again damn dwarf’s chainmail withstood. Yes, this is not orc armor that can be cut by one good blow. However, the blow was still successful and made a giant step back a few paces. Oh, it’s a pity, there are no more arrows, it is high time to release one and see how the enemy would begin to choke the blood.

Ash crouched slightly, looking closely at the dwarf, the corner of his eye noticed some movement and his lips stretched into a wicked grin when he realized that it was his varg who crept. The beast leapt into the air without a sound, exposing his fangs, and probably he already saw the streams of blood rushing from a broken neck - this dwarf had not an iron collar - but the enemy suddenly felt it, jerked to the sided and, turning, swung his axe.

Ash did not hear the crunch of the blade, cut in the body, stunned pain and hatred he rushed forward, driven by only one thought - to kill, rip his chest, to get to the heart and crush it. He did not pay attention to the sounds of battle, did not remember about important information that he had to deliver to the leader, did not remember anything. Headlong he crawled forward, causing rapid punches, forcing the enemy to retreat before the onslaught of his rage. His blade struck the forearm of the warrior and Ash desperately wished he lubricated the blade with poison. Oh, he would have looked at him writhing!

In the heat of battle he did not notice that was well away, and did not hear the screams of his comrades. Rage like a lasso dragged him forward. Step, kick, dodge, dive under the blade, trying to get the enemy's throat, dodge, step.

When the sword slipped down the shoulder, cutting down the thorn, he was even slightly surprised and after a moment he realized that the hit was from the side, he jerked away and turned to see blue eyes sparkling from under the low helmet. Another enemy, well, it’s even more interesting. He moved slightly to the side to see both.

\- Attack, stinkers, - he growled clutching a sword tightly.

His wish was fulfilled without delay. The dwarves exchanged brief glances, and then attacked and acted so well and smoothly that it became clear that it was not the first battle when they fought together. Anyway, he was going to kill the large dwarf who had killed his varg, and if his friend decided to die with him, so let it be.

But it was not easy to do it. The dwarves were strong, experienced, and he began to tire. Besides, the wound in his side - and when he only managed to get it - made him lose strength, made him slower. They have not noticed it yet, but soon they will, and then it will be even harder. Now he fought calmer, every movement was clearly thought out, in order not to waste strength, his rage had almost disappeared, leaving the place for cold calculation and hatred. Damned dwarves, when they kick the bucket!

And the screams behind became quieter. The last time he heard the howl of a dying varg, Hraz shouted his cry and it became very quiet, although steel was still clanging on steel, someone resisted. The dwarves in front of him looked at each other again and suddenly stepped back. He froze for a moment in surprise, and then, gathering his last strength, he leaped forward, raising his sword, and briefly groaned, getting an arrow in the shoulder. He fell to the ground, but immediately jumped up, growled, pulled out the tip of the body and tossed it aside. His hand immediately went numb, blood flowed and dripped to the ground, but he was not going to give up. He just took away his helmet, wanting to breathe clean air for last time, caught staggering views of the enemies facing him, and the next moment fell on his face, having received a severe blow to the head.

\- Who are you?

These dwarves asked him over and over. They could, though, grimacing in disgust, squeeze out a few words in Westron and in the Black Speech (it sounded funny, by the way), but he remained silent. He didn’t want to speak, and what was happening did not fit into the usual picture of the world. In his world, dwarves ruthlessly cut orcs, and orcs revenge them with all their might. But never, under any circumstances, dwarves do not save the life of orcs, do not bandage the wounds and do not give them water, even tying the hands that it is almost impossible to move your fingers.

\- So who are you, where are you from?

The tall, tattooed warrior sat down in front of him, calmly, without hatred, but with some cautious interest stared in the face.

\- Don’t want to talk, - he nodded. - I understand. But you have to, and you know it. We have masters who are good at loosing tongues.

He just chuckled softly. Dwarves-executioners... no, he has not ever been in their hands, but it is hardly worse than the day march, which all young orcs must withstand before they would be admitted to serious training.

\- So you understand me, - the dwarf smiled grimly and turning around called the blue-eyed dwarf, who fought together with him. - Thorin, he understands Westron.

\- What's your name? - he asked quietly, but the answer was only silence. - You realize that we will loose your tongue, don’t you? You'd better not to push us to it.

\- Silent?

They were joined by another dwarf, much younger, blond, slightly shorter, with blades behind. Handsome. If he got him into his hands, it would be interesting to play with him.

\- Can I punch him properly?

"I can punch you, just untie my hands", - Ash thought grimly, but did not say anything.

\- Look into his eyes, it won’t help, - the tattooed shook his head.

\- Come on, Dwalin, - he waved his hand. - If you hit anyone, he will tell everything. Remember the orc that was caught last month.

\- This is another case and he is not an orc.

\- Yes, I see.

The young looked with hatred, but it did not matter, because the words of the tall made him flinch and bristle.

"You are not an orc! Some strange creature!"

So many times he had heard such insults in his childhood, so many throats he had to tear to stop these talks.

\- … a traitor.

He heard only the last word of the entire speech of the young dwarf, but he did not think of what he had in mind.

\- I’m not sure, - the high shook his head. - There's something else. He is, without a doubt, a dwarf - dirty and without a beard - but you see...

\- I'm not a dwarf, - he spat angrily.

That would be the last straw, nobody insulted him like this.

\- Oh, he speaks, - the young smiled. - And who are you? - the blue-eyed asked him and this time there was something in his voice, and Ash was unable to remain silent.

\- Ash, - the name escaped him before he managed to bite his tongue. However, the fact that they know his name will change nothing, and he will not say anything more to them.

\- Ash, - the dwarf slowly repeated after him. - It is not a dwarf name. And who are you, Ash? Where is your clan, who are your parents?

\- Clan? Parents? - he frowned not understanding him, and then he seemed to realize. - You mean the squad, or what?

\- I'm talking about your family.

\- I am a soldier and you cut my family recently, - Ash grinned.

The dwarf sighed and rubbed his forehead with his hand.

\- Well, let's leave it, - he said, and stared at the captive. - We know that your squad consisted of scouts, and that you were going to connect to a large group of orcs. Why? What information were you going to pass them?

Ash grinned and spat on the ground - that is he tried to, because his mouth was dry as a desert - showing that he was not going to answer.

\- I see, - the dwarf nodded and turned to Dwalin. - Heat the iron.

\- Thorin...

\- You realize that he is not going to speak, don’t you, - the dwarf said tiredly. - And we have to deal with it as soon as possible. Fili, undress him.

The young dwarf gulped, but obediently stepped up to the captive and began to unbutton his jacket. Tied hands behind his back hindered to remove it completely and he just pulled it to his elbows.

\- Ho-ho!

Ash rolled his eyes when he realized that the dwarves saw his back. Ritual scars of initiation into manhood impress those who know nothing about the traditions of orcs. That is, impress all.

\- Are you sure that it makes sense to torture him?

Someone's fingers lightly touched the scars, traced the longest, stretching beyond the waistband of his pants and Ash barely suppressed a shudder.

\- We have too little time - Thorin repeated. - Heat.

\- Let's just take him with us, - Dwalin suggested. - Why all this hurry? We destroyed both squads, and there is no particular danger.

\- And if there is? - Thorin said to him. - What if the army is already underway to Erebor? I can not take that risk.

\- There is, of course, there is, - Ash chuckled. - Lots of orcs. We'll take your city by storm and burn it, and survived... - he narrowed his eyes, licked his lips dreamily, - especially women... He was not allowed to finish, his cheek was stung by a blow, he fell, hissing at the pain in his awkwardly twisted hands.

\- Sometimes it's better to shut up, guy, - Dwalin grabbed him by the collar and made him sit down again. Ash jerked, trying to escape from his hands, but, of course, to no avail, he just reopened the wound. Warm blood flowed, soaking a bandage.

\- Kill me now, dwarf, why are you pottering? - Ash hissed, even though he knew that to speak to those who captivated you is cowardice. The dwarf looked into his eyes and shook his head.

\- If you were an orc, - he said harshly, - I would break your neck with my own proper hands, but you're not an orc.

\- I am an orc, - Ash’s eyes glittered sullenly.

\- No, - Dwalin calmly shook his head. - Whoever you are, but not an orc.

\- I am an orc! - Ash screamed and coughed.

\- We’ll deal with it later, - Thorin said and glanced over his people. - Go back to Erebor. Fili, be constantly with him or you’ll pay the life.

\- And what about iron? - Ash grinned, but was not awarded even by look.

Erebor turned out a big and well-fortified city, and Ash, trying to keep a straight face, thought that all the orcs of their settlement, even together with the young, would not be able to take it. The thought was unpleasant, and he hastened to get rid of it. There are weaknesses in any city. It is necessary to take advantage of the situation and look carefully, in order to tell everything in detail later.

"And will it be, this “later”? They even didn’t tie your eyes", - muttered a voice inside, but Ash decided not to pay attention to it.

He was led through long, richly decorated corridors and the dwarves approaching him looked sullenly, but he just grinned in response, feeling the tight tangle of twisted hatred inside. Oh, he wished he had a couple of dozen of his men, and a dozen of vargs! Oh, he would put this place in order. All, who would be caught, under the knife. The king and the court would be captured.

Ash imagined him ordering to put them on a stake, watching how they slowly die in agony, and smiled with pleasure. Although, no, he would crucify the king to make him see from the height of his new throne the sufferings of his friends. And the nephew, who zealously guarded him all the way to the city, would be given to the masters, and they would cut the best ritual patterns on his back. And on the cheeks, perhaps, too, he is cute just like a girl. Like a girl... this idea, in general, should also be considered, but they have already come.

The cell turned out pretty big, though cold. However, this was not a problem, he did not like the heat. The tall dwarf pushed him in the back so that he almost flew inside, barely stay on his feet, but then turned around boldly grinning to his face. At home, he would definitely get a hit in the face from a mentor for that, but this one restrained.

\- Will you unleash my hands? - Ash grinned. - I promise not to choke anyone.

\- Unleash, - Dwalin nodded to Fili, he pulled out a knife, took a step toward him, turned with a jerk and cut the rope in one motion.

Ash immediately began to rub his swollen hands. At such moments he envied his friends, the orcs, who had rough, thick skin. These ropes would leave no trace on it, and a prey would become a hunter. He had to massage his hands for a few moments before he felt the fingers tingled from the blood flow. During this time the young dwarf stood back, and it was impossible to take him by the throat.

\- You stay here until the king decides what to do with you.

Ash only grinned in response.

Only when the cell door slammed shut, leaving him in complete darkness, he allowed himself to relax a little, quickly searched all corners, predictably found nothing, lay down on the bench and closed his eyes, thinking about the situation. Fine, just fine. The squad is destroyed, he is in captivity, important information will not be delivered to the leader. He would nibble his head only for that, and at the thought of what they will do with him, if he is still able to return, he wanted to die immediately. However, such thoughts - weakness. First it is necessary to dodge, get out, go back to orcs, and then take everything, even death. And, perhaps, he will receive pardon, if he can learn here something important, because no orc has ever been in Erebor. Alive - exactly.

Ash sighed, put his fingers in his mouth and pulled out a small knife. Quite small, it was not a dangerous weapon, but in the hands of a master even a sliver is the sword, and he knew well how to use this slight advantage, and his knife left many deep scars on the faces of orcs.

So he was still hoping. Ash twisted the knife on his palm and closed his eyes, thinking. Completely insignificant weapon, but even this, if you think of it, can cause damage to the enemy. He squinted, staring at the ceiling, then slowly grinned. If this grin was noticed by his mentor, he would immediately go to soak the rods in boiling water, because this expression of Ahs’s face did not promise anything good.

He hid the knife in a knot of hair, sat more comfortably on a hard bench and began to think. He had not seen the king of dwarves yet, but no doubt he will be dragged to the king - that is the reason why he was taken as a prisoner, and then... The main thing is to choose the right moment. The knife is small, and he will not be able to come close to the king, but if he behaves correctly, the king will decide to descend to the prisoner and approach closer... One leap, one hit - yes, he will aim at the eye, dwarves are slightly higher - he will succeed. Of course, he would be killed on the spot - Ash frowned, but then smiled again - but it is not so important. The main thing is not to miss, may Black Fire help him, and then the murder would be the greatest of all orc’s deeds.

Yes.

But what if they tie his hands? He would not be able to spit the knife so aptly. Ash hit his head on the bench and groaned in frustration. That's when you regret that you do not use poison darts. He will not be able to kill the king of dwarves without using hands, even if he had a hundred knives.

However, life has taught him to seek a way out of any situation. If you can not gnaw the throat immediately, you should dodge, feign and hit, when the enemy does not wait for this. He had small knowledge about dwarves, they were rarely taken alive, and those, whom he saw, could not talk yet, and he did not want to, preferring to break their bones, he almost sincerely regretted for it now. Well, it is necessary to come up with something else. Ash was thinking hard, but nothing came to his head, and then he was overcome by sleep.

He slept restlessly, tossing and turning, had a dream of blazing fire, raised swords - over whose heads he could not see - heard the cries of the dying. And in the morning he could barely unstick puffy eyes and tried to stand, but failed. The body was feeble, sluggish, any movement caused nausea. Long time since it has not happened. Ah, I wish I had healing mixture, that Hraz cooked so well, but where it is now and where Hraz is, and these... dwarves will not give him the proper treatment. Although Ash, even dying, would not ask for their help.

Suddenly nausea twisted his innards so badly that he barely had time to turn on his side, hanging his head off the bench, not to choke on vomit. When spasms passed, he leaned back again, wiped his mouth with a trembling hand and tried to sit up. With great difficulty he succeeded, and touched the injured side. It hurt. Earlier all the wounds healed quickly, just leaving scars. What has happened now? He carefully unbuttoned his ragged jacket, tried to touch the bandage, and felt like losing consciousness. No. He clenched his teeth to crunch, driving stupor, and fastened again. He did not touch the wound as nothing could be seen here. Ask for help? The thought of it flipped everything inside, and he wanted to tear and torment the dwarves with bare hands and teeth. He will not accept any help from them!

Although... that's it. Here's what I need to gain their trust - to pretend to be sick. Ash had no doubt that his body would cope itself, but why not to try, to not seem weaker than he is? It will unlikely work with this husky Dwalin, but the young hunk Fili could be tricked. On the journey he pretty quickly tempered justice with mercy, and even tried to talk to the captive. However, he could carry out the order of the blue-eyed, what was his name... Thorin, yes. Although it does not matter, does not matter.

His head was going round, the bench seemed burning with fire and Ash gently slid to the floor, trying to escape from the heat. There was not much cooler and he crawled until he stumbled on the wall - a nice, wet, cold wall. He leaned his forehead against it and even allowed himself to moan with pleasure and relief, then clung to the stones as closely as possible, and again fell into a deep sleep.

If Ash found the captive in such condition- sick, trembling, clinging to the wall in an attempt to cool his burning forehead, he would just laugh and pour a bucket of water on the poor fellow. The greater was his surprise when he opened his eyes and found himself lying on something soft. The ceiling in this place was higher, the light poured from somewhere behind, and only the chain going from under the skin, which covered him, somewhere down, and clinking when he moved, clearly indicated that the situation has hardly changed. Though, it has changed. He was definitely moved into several levels above - the sunshine comes here, clean the wound - the side almost didn’t hurt; and he seemed to be cured.

Ash moved again, to check how freely he could move and winced, remembering of the knife hidden in the hair, barely raised his hand, trying to find it. Immediately he heard a rustle beside him. There was someone else in the room.

\- You won’t find the knife, - the voice from the side made him shudder again and Ash cursed himself for such a reaction.

\- Where am I?

\- Aren’t you upset about the loss of the weapon?

\- And what if I cry, will you return it to me?

Probably, he would rather have been silent, but the fury was splashing inside, forcing him to do silly things, making him forget of his own decision to ingratiate himself with the dwarves.

\- So, where am I? - he repeated his question again and expected swearing, perhaps, even strike in response to his insolence, but heard only sniff.

\- On the upper level.

He heard a rustle nearby, and after a moment Ash saw that very tall, tattooed dwarf before him. Dwalin. The lips broke into a wicked grin.

\- Are you my nurse?

\- I'm your guard, - explained Dwalin calmly, looking down at him. - Who knows what secrets you hide.

\- Have you searched me? I'd rather prefer a handsome one for it, - Ash blinked.

Dwalin just snorted.

\- Why all this?

Ash pulled his hand, trying to circle the room and immediately felt with displeasure how weak he was - the hand rose above the bed a couple of inches and then fell.

\- Would you prefer to die in a cell in your vomit? - the dwarf asked.

\- Well, it is obvious that it is not a bad death for an orc. You would be glad.

\- You're not an orc.

Ash closed his eyes in order not to yell at the dwarf and took a deep breath, struggling to suppress his fury. No, he should remember of his mission, remember of what he promised myself to do.

\- And who am I, in your opinion?

\- Dwarf.

Ash burst out laughing and immediately coughed. Dwalin still stood over him, making no attempt to come closer in and help. Yeah, exactly, he's his guard, not a nurse. Although, he is right. No matter how weak Ash was, another word of his being, may Black Fire forgive him, a dwarf, and he would definitely find the strength to strangle the offender with chain. Finally, the coughing ceased. Ash narrowed his watery eyes and stared at Dwalin.

\- Dwarf, then. And why are you so sure?

\- I am not sure, - he shrugged his shoulders. - I just know.

\- It’s all a lie, - Ash growled.

\- You lived long among the orcs, - Dwalin said, not paying attention to his words. - You know perfectly well that they often steal children and women from human settlements.

\- I know, - Ash nodded and smiled, remembering how many times he participated in such raids. Yes, sweet memories, it was nice. Dwalin seemed to understand his thoughts, because he frowned, but said still too calmly.

\- We believe that you were stolen by orcs or born by stolen dwarf-woman. The first is more likely.

\- Why?

\- Because you have nothing of an orc.

"And that's where you're wrong," - Ash thought, but said nothing, continuing to listen carefully.

\- You are a dwarf, - Dwalin repeated emphatically. - I would give you a mirror to see how you look like without all the dirt of many years, but I'm afraid you will try to cut my throat with it.

\- I'll try, - Ash nodded before he managed to stop himself and immediately groaned inwardly. But Dwalin seemed to like his frankness, because he just grunted.

\- In short, guy, you're one of us, and nothing can be done about it.

\- It sounds somehow sad, - Ash blinked.

\- And it is not funny. The dwarf, who considers himself an orc, appears from somewhere, fights as they do, speaks the Black Speech. The dwarf is not a traitor, without clan. But this is impossible. There must be your relatives, family...

\- Well, that's what I do not know, - Ash interrupted. - And if they were once, now they are, probably, dead for a very long time.

\- That's right, - Dwalin agreed and tilted slightly toward him. - Dead. Killed by orcs.

Ash paused for a moment, and then jerked forward, trying to throw a chain around the neck of the dwarf, to pull to him, to sink his teeth into the throat, since hands are so weak, and gnaw until he would choke with his blood. But he managed to stagger back.

\- I said everything I wanted to, guy. And you should think of it.

Gritting his teeth, Ash watched the dwarf departing from his couch, and hated himself for being unable to get up and kill him. Well, he will take revenge, when the time comes. He will take revenge on all of them.

He forced himself to calm down, relax tense muscles and breathe evenly, and soon fell asleep. This time without any dreams.

The next time he was awakened by low voices.

\- ... and what to do?

\- Well, it's not for us to decide.

There were two of them, Ash recognised Dwalin, but could not identify the other.

\- The fact that he is a dwarf is obvious, everyone agrees.

\- Yes. So what should we do with him then?

\- I...

\- Yes, I have heard that it is not for us to decide, but still, what are the variants?

\- I would lock him up here and that’s all.

\- For ever?

\- Are there better variants?

\- Well... tell me, would you be able to sit locked up the rest of your life?

\- I don’t have to.

\- Come on, Dwalin.

\- Bofur, you just do not know, what you say. You see the poor unlucky guy before you, don’t you? Take my word, he will yield to no orc in cruelty, and in fury, too.

\- So what? They raised him, he was accustomed to consider them his family.

\- Family?

\- Well, I do not know whatever they call it. It doesn’t matter, you know.

\- I know that you must not approach to this dwarfork on arrow flight. Otherwise, one day the cell will be empty, and we will find you with a slit throat.

\- Come on, - Bofur, unfamiliar to Ash, snorted. - I'm not an idiot, and Fili told me how good this guy fights.

\- Fili told? Do you continue to make bid for royal nephew’s sympathy? You should be more careful.

\- Let’s not talk about it now, Dwalin, - steel notes appeared in Bofur’s voice. - But it is not necessary to lock the guy.

\- And what is necessary?

\- We should try to find his relatives. I can’t believe, nobody thought about it. Our children are not born very often, are they? How old is he? Twenty-five, thirty, not more. Obviously, he disappeared when he was quite small - if he does not remember anything about himself. Well, then we must inquire on the sly, whether a child, say, had disappeared twenty years ago - had been lost, had run away and never come back, had been missed during the attack - and so on.

Dwalin was silent for a moment, then sighed.

\- You know who was lost at that time, don't you?

\- I know, - there was sympathy in Bofur’s voice. - And what does he about this?

\- He does not want to know and see him, too. I think Fili told you.

\- No.

\- Well, then, be silent.

\- I will, no problem. But you should try, if the uzbad doesn’t want. What if there was someone else.

\- Bofur... And if he would be someone of yours?

The second dwarf was silent for so long that Ash began to doze off, but then he finally answered.

\- I would still like to know. Yes, he is grief and shame for any clan, but I still would like to know.

\- Me too, - Dwalin agreed with a sigh. - That's why we are just advisors, and he is uzbad.

Ash lay quietly and tried to understand what he heard. Relatives, an uzbad - who is he - missing children. His head began to grow heavy, it had always been a harbinger of pain, and he gave up trying to understand anything. In the end, all this does not matter. His goal is important and nothing else. He did not come to look for lost family? He doesn’t need it, even if someone is still alive. Dwalin is right - they will not feel the pride of the emergence of a new relative, and he spits on their pride. He is different, he is not a dwarf - let talk what they want, he knows the truth - and he's not going to be a dwarf. He is an orc and proud of it. He did so much to become a worthy warrior, cut so many throats climbing up, that he would not allow it to deprive him of this. Besides, he still need to avenge the death of his beast and squad. They were good scouts, and Hraz was his friend, even if they often beat each other.

Dwalin thinks that can just take it all by saying a few words? Oh no. Ash realized that in his life he could not abandon what he truly considers to be his. It was his squad, his beast, his life. He is not able to return the first and second, but he will fight for the third. And the family these two talk about, it is not completely necessary.

Ash tried to get up the next day, although the chain allowed him to make only a few steps. The body was still disobedient, sick, but he was not used to pay attention to the little things and made it work.

\- It’s too early.

Fighting an invisible enemy Ash staggered and almost fell because of the voice unexpectedly came from behind. He spun around, looking sullenly at Fili, standing in the doorway, and cursed himself. In battle, he'd be dead already if let someone come from the back like that. Strangely, he always felt the danger, but now he felt nothing, even didn’t hear the steps. May be because there was no threat in them? A weird and unpleasant thought. Ash ceased to think it, sat back on the couch, wrapped his knees with hide and stared at the young dwarf.

\- Well, as you like, - he shrugged and took a couple of steps closer to him. However, he didn’t approach very close. What a pity.

\- Soon Thorin will call you, - Fili said quietly, staring at the prisoner.

\- So what? Should I jump for joy?

\- Maybe, - Fili shrugged Fili. - When the uzbad calls a dwarf, sometimes it to the joy.

\- Uzbad, - Ash repeated slowly and winced. - Does it mean king in your language?

Fili nodded.

\- Thorin... this blue-eyed ... he is your king.

\- Yes.

Ash lowered his head and bit his lip, trying not to show his anger. This... dwarves’ leader… he fought with him, he could kill him, but failed. Ash took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Well, at least he knows his face and now everything becomes a little easier. Or more difficult, taking into account that Thorin also knows what he can do. Ah, if only he had his knife, he would feel more confident. And uzbad would not wait for this. Oh, well. Ash finally gathered himself and lifted his head. Fili stood in the same place with his arms crossed, looking at him with a strange expression.

\- And why does your uzbad want to see me? - Ash asked hoarsely.

\- That he will tell you himself, - Fili said.

\- And why did you come?

\- To see how you feel, whether you strong enough to clean up.

\- What?

Ash winced and cringed, remembering the ice streams, beneath which he had to rinse, returning home - quickly, only to wash off blood and dirt a little - and shook his head.

\- I am not going to wash.

\- Either you will go, or we will drag you.

Ash jerked his head and saw Dwalin next to Fili. Frowning, he crossed his arms just like a young dwarf, and stared at the prisoner. It seemed there was no choice.

\- All right, - Ash said, suppressing a shiver, and stood up.

The chain was removed, he was bound with light shackles that was hidden under the clothes, and pushed out of the room. Dwalin Fili and walked along the sides, preventing him from running away, and Ash, frowning, looked around. He has already accepted the fact that he will have to get into the icy water and was trying to gain something from it. But the corridor just gently turned to one or the other side, there were no any passes, and the only thing that Ash noticed was a small slope. It hardly could help him.

A few minutes later he was pushed into the room in which there was nothing but a few benches near the walls. Ash blinked in surprise, not knowing where he was, and sneezed when a smell of grass tickled his nose. He didn’t grimace, the smell was pleasant.

\- Take off your clothes, - Dwalin said to him and began pulling off his jacket and shoes, staying in plain linen trousers. Fili followed his example.

Ash shrugged and took off his tattered shirt, turned around, leaning against the wall to pull off his boots.

\- Who did it with you, guy?

He jerked his shoulder, but replied.

\- We have masters.

\- Executioners?

\- And executioners, too, - Ash nodded and turned. - But not in this case. There is nothing more honorary than these scars for any orc.

He said and bit his tongue. Why did he become so blatant? He is not going to talk anymore, even under torture. But the dwarves seemed to realise it and asked no questions.

\- Come here, - Dwalin ordered, opening another door. Obeying, Ash, took a few steps and stopped when he felt the hot air on the face.

\- Go, - Fili pushed him in the back and Ash stepped forward again, and only then realized that allowed the dwarf to touch him, and didn’t kill him. What happens to him? Of course, he wanted to gain their trust, but not too disgraceful to himself. He became limp. Shaking his head, he tried to reassure himself that this is all because of the illness and went through the door.

After a while he sat on a hot stone bench and did not notice that he squinted with pleasure. So that's the bath of dwarves. Yes, he had to admit that it was much better than ice streams falling on his head like spears, besides he could catch a cold because of them. Ash even accepted the fact that he had to cut the nails and wash his hair - he shaped this plica so carefully to make his appearance more menacing, and it was so comfortable under a helmet, no hair tickling his neck. The problem was only with soap. This caustic stuff got into his eyes and began to sting, so that it seemed as if his eyes would come out right now.

\- Don’t rub, - Fili slapped his hands and began to wash his eyes with warm water. - When you wash your head, you need to close your eyes, remember it.

"Why need I?" - Ash wanted to ask, but just nodded obediently.

\- Well, now open your eyes.

He opened his eyes carefully, blinked, and realized that nothing stung his eyes. Fili was standing right in front of him with a ladle in hand, and it was a breeze to grab him by the throat now, hit his head a couple of times on a stone bench, to see how the blood would pour down, mingling with the water, hear the guy began to wheeze.

"And immediately to receive a jolt from Dwalin", - Ash thought and did nothing. But Fili behaved as if felt his thoughts, because he quickly moved back and didn’t come to him to the end of bathing.

After bathing, they gave him a clean shirt, trousers and soft boots, and Ash humbly dressed, catching some strange looks. However, he tried not to pay attention to it, carefully smoothing bristling hem of his shirt. He liked the clothes, earlier he had to fight for new clothes or wait for a raid to take away something, and here they gave him clean and soft clothes, and it is warm in the cell. Ash recalled his cold stone kennel and shuddered involuntarily, and then mentally slapped himself upside the head. A few days of staying here, washing in warm water, sleeping under the hide made him limp. But the real orc must endure all the hardships, they exist only in order to strengthen morale, make stronger, more dangerous, enduring. Nobody in Erebor can compare with him in the art of survival or masking, or...

\- Well, why did you freeze, come on.

Dwalin’s voice pulled him out of his mind, forced to throw up and Ash barely kept his desire to jump on the dwarf and grab him by the throat. No, now it’s not the time to check whether he has lost his skills or not. It must be focused and attentive, and if they really think that he is lost, then he will take advantage of this. So he just nodded and walked out of the bath.

He thought he would be led back to the cell, but Dwalin, going ahead, ordered him with a nod to go in a completely different direction. Ash obediently followed him. Fili closed the procession.

"Why there are only two of them", - Ash thought, walking slowly between the dwarfs. - "Do they want to kill? Unlikely. It was much easier to do in the bath. Head into water and that’s all. No, there's something else."

What exactly, he did not manage to understand because Dwalin stopped, stepped aside, and Ash faced the dark oak door, plain, without decoration, except for heavy bronze handle. Dwarf knocked twice, turned the handle, opened the door and went in first.

\- Come on, do not be afraid, - Fili said and Ash, sticking for a while at the doorway, stepped forward, pressing anger. He was not afraid.

For a moment it seemed that the room was empty, but then he saw some movement at the window and recognised Thorin. Uzbad of Erebor stood with his back to the window, his face was concealed by shadow, the expression wasn’t seen. Dwalin and Fili approached him, stood on the sides. Perhaps, they expected him to bow, but Ash did not, instead he defiantly looked around, and then walked to the wall - let something cover his back. One against three. The absence of weapons began to bother him stronger.

\- Well, hello, Ash, - said Thorin after a pause, but he didn’t approach to him, just laid his hands over the belt. Suspiciously close to the hunting knife.

\- I’m not going to say hello to you, - Ash replied grimly and saw Dwalin frowned. Thorin behaved as if he didn’t hear these words, continuing to stare at him.

\- You are not an orc, - he said as if to himself. - And resembles, yeah.

\- And in my opinion, he resembles very closely, - Dwalin said.

\- What are you talking about? - Fili was surprised, and Ash chanted a blessing to the Black Fire for he was not alone here to feel like an idiot.

Thorin was silent for a moment, not taking his eyes off the dwarf clinging to the wall, and then waved his hand.

\- All right, Dwalin, tell him.

\- Maybe you do it yourself? - He asked hesitantly, but caught the eye of Thorin and nodded, then paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, and then began to tell.

And during the story - Ash saw - Fili’s eyes opened wider. He kept glancing at his uncle, as if expecting him to refute the words of Dwalin. Frankly speaking, Ash also hoped for it. Let it all turned out to be nonsense, a joke, a mistake, because it would be easier than to stand and listen that twenty-three years ago, during a long march their caravan was attacked by orcs, and Thorin had lost one of his nephews, the little dwarf named Kili. Later he tried to find him, and, in the end, come to terms with his death.

\- Why don’t I remember anything? - Fili asked in surprise. - I have to remember that I had a brother.

\- You were badly injured, - Dwalin said. - No one expected you to get over, and that you forgot... Kili, - he shrugged, - we just did not remind you.

\- Great, - Ash grinned, snuggling against the wall. - Well, why all this story? Have you decided that this your lost Kili is me?

\- We have not decided, - Thorin said calmly. - It's true. Fili barely remembers his mother, but Dwalin and I see that you are the living copy of her.

\- Without all this dirt, - Dwalin said.

Ash shook his head, refusing to believe in what he heard, ran his hands over his face. For a moment he even had a thought that he was asleep or had gone mad, but he immediately threw it.

\- Well, what do you want to do?

He did not look at anyone, but Thorin.

\- Do you believe?

He looked straight into his eyes.

\- No, - Ash wanted to lie very much, but he did not. - I do not believe, I do not see any sense in your words, I think that you will not lie, but I do not believe.

He paused and shrugged uncertainly.

\- I have a brother, - Fili said as if to himself, breaking a heavy silence. - Awfully strange feeling.

\- Not for you alone, - Ash snapped.

\- Kili... - Fili slowly call his - or not? - old name. - Kili. I absolutely do not remember you.

\- Neither do I, belive me, - Ash said in the same tone and stared at Thorin. - Tell me why you need all this? I can not believe that you need another heir or relative, or a citizen. What do you want? Do you think I will tell you about the plans of our leader, having learned about our assumed relationship, don’t you?

He saw that Thorin’s shoulders petrified, his eyes narrowed and darkened, but uzbad restrained.

\- I am interested in the plans of your leader, - he nodded slowly. - But I do not sell my blood, even for important information.

\- And are you ready to proclaim from the housetops that I am your nephew? - Ash's eyes narrowed. - Knowing how and who with I grew up, realizing how much dwarf blood on my blade? Are you ready for it?

\- I do not know, - Thorin said after a pause, looking straight in his eyes. Ash felt that he was not lying and accepted the answer. He would do the same.

\- What do you want from me, uzbad? - He asked after a pause. - All that I know will stay with me, you know it - well, unless, of course, you will not dare to torture me.

He ignored the indignant exclamation of Fili, still not taking his eyes from Thorin.

\- Why are you so loyal? - Dwalin asked suddenly. - Orcs are cruel, vile creatures with betrayal in their blood.

Ash shrugged.

\- Maybe just because I'm not an orc.

For the first time he said it out loud. For the first time in all the years that he could remember, and every day of which was filled with strife, hatred and the desire to prove that he is the same as everybody else. It turned out to acknowledge his otherness is quite easily.

\- I'm not an orc, - Ash repeated and winced as if with cold. - And not a dwarf. Strange creature.

\- Oh, guy, no one will feel sorry for you, - Dwalin crooned.

\- I'll kill anyone who tries to, - Ash snapped.

\- But can anything be done? - Fili looked into the eyes of his uncle. - Well, maybe send him somewhere where no one knows anything.

\- Yeah, in deep mines, - Ash's eyes narrowed. - I’ll kick in there quickly, that's all.

\- I did not mean anything like that, - Fili looked at him.

\- Did you? Well, then, it seemed to me. Maybe you’ll release me, eh? - Ash asked without much hope. - We have already found out that we are relatives, so what now? You don’t need me, so do I, why torture each other.

\- Well, of course, we'll let you go, and the next day you’ll bring a horde of orcs, - Fili snorted.

\- In all our settlement there not so many orcs to take your Erebor, - Ash blurted and cursed, realizing that he had just betrayed them. But nobody reacted to his words.

\- No, - Thorin said, - we are not going to let you go. You will live here as a hostage. Say... of Freer clan. They are far away, our relations are not very good, everyone knows that, so no one will check. Do not remove the chain, feed him, do not descend below the third level, - he said it to Fili already. - Always be beside him, and keep guard at his cell even at night.

\- Well, what do you want, uzbad? - Ash asked. - I'm not a dog on and I will not sit on a chain forever.

\- If I order, you will. I want to check whether you're still my nephew.

Thorin's voice sounded indifferent, not as the beginning of their conversation, and Ash felt that anger rose again from the inside. Uzbad decided everything for himself and will not let him go out of Erebor. Well, let it be, but he is very much mistaken if he thinks that he will give up. They are not relatives, no matter what anyone says. He will fulfill what he had conceived, and come what may.

The first thing was to get the weapon, and, predictably, there were problems with that. Fili closely watched him on walks, and searched him on return. However, Ash was not a fool, and if he stole a knife, he would manage to hide it. But it was not possible. Because Fili took him neither in armourer shop, nor in the forge, but only in jewelry and pottery workshops, and once in toy workshop. He brought him there and stared, as if hoping that he would like something.

And Ash, though giving no sign, wondered at boundless imagination of dwarfs, because none of the pattern is repeated, and what toys they make! When Fili turned away, distracted by a conversation with a thick master, he even dared to pick up one - lazily stretching cat, the size of a palm. A beautiful toy: red, skillfully made hair seems to be shiny, and the cat as if is about to open the mouth and yawn. He briefly examined the toy, and then suddenly felt that he was being watched, he raised his head slowly and faced the eyes of the old dwarf. Ash gulped seeing orc ax sticking out of his head, with sadly thought that orcs do not survive with such wounds. However, the steel of dwarves and elves just did not leave such a possibility, chopping everything. Though - he looked at the dwarf again - a blow he had got, was very good, you have to be very lucky to survive after that.

Dwarf grunted, keeping wary eyes, and Ash slowly put the cat in its place, stepped back, trying to gain a place, if the old man would try to attack. But he stood still and, it seemed to Ash, warm mockery and strange understanding splashed in his dark eyes. However, he did not look closely.

\- Did you like anything? - Fili asked him, when they came out of the workshop.

\- No, - Ash said shortly, though he somehow still remembered the stupid cat.

\- All right, - Fili agreed quietly and smiled for some reason.

He almost did not argue with him - did not allow him to go where it was forbidden, and where Ash used to try to get in, walked with him, as if he had no other business, even once brought him to the ramparts - and never argued. Probably, he disdained, and Ash terribly wanted to strangle him for this. But his seemed to feel such moments and stayed away from him. He did not strain and did not get the weapon, which he certainly had; though it wasn’t seen, but Fili behaved in such a way that Ash knew - if he tries to fight, he will be punished seriously. No, he was not going to take such a risk, especially because he wanted to settle scores with the king, but not with his heir. Although, of course, he could start with him to inflict more pain - Ash seriously considered this possibility, but then changed his mind, deciding not to waste his time.

It happened due to the fact that Fili sometimes stayed away.

First, Ash heard, no, even not cry, but a sharp exhalation, and the next moment noticed by the corner of his eye that Fili wasn’t over his shoulder. Body reacted on its own, without the involvement of the brain. He rushed to the side, fell on his stomach and managed to grab Fili’s hand at the last moment. Fili was heavy, but Ash kept him with all his might, feeling that he gradually started to slide. He tried to slow down, pushing his toes into the floor, but it was with a bias, and he could not manage to stop. Now he wished his nails were not cut off more than ever, at least he could cling with their help. Fili shifted and tried to grab the edge of the stone, but his fingers slipped. He tried again, and failed again, only pulled Ash closer to the abyss. Both were silent, only hoarse, uneven breathing was heard.

What would Ash do, if Fili were someone whom he considered to be his guy? He would hold him till the end, until the help would appear, or at least until he would see that his own life is not threatened. What would he do if it were someone else? He would immediately unclench his hands. And now he seized him in a death grip, not allowing to fall, the one who could not be his guy, but, it turns out he neither was a stranger for him. Ash cursed and stiffened again, trying to pull Fili up. His muscles were cramped with pain, the shoulder seemed to be about to slip out the joint, but he coped, and Fili - unreliable, but still - clung his fingers over the stone. It immediately became easier to hold him, and Ash even allowed himself to exhale, although he frowned right here, because the sound was like a sob.

It seemed to him that Fili found support for his feet, because it became even easier to hold him, and then Ash saw that someone's hands pulled the dwarf out of the abyss. Dwalin.

"When did he come? Did he watch us?"

Thoughts flashed in his mind, leaving no malice, only relief. Ash could not unclench his fingers on Fili’s wrist and sat next to him, breathing through his teeth, and felt someone's light stroking.

\- There, there, all is over, - he heard, looked down and saw that it was Fili who stroked him. Soothes, or what? Why? He is supposed to tremble, but he sits and smiles annoyingly like an idiot. Ash frowned and opened his mouth to say something evil, but realized that he did not want. He was too tired. So he just made an enormous effort, unclenched his fingers and moved. Fili sighed, but did not stop smiling.

\- Are you all right, guys?

Ash wearily lifted his head, blinked, focusing on Dwalin’s face, and nodded showing that he's all right.

\- Oh, you've decided to talk to me? - he smiled, and Ash frowned but did not have time to say anything, because Fili stood up for him.

\- Don’t bother him. He saved my life, by the way.

\- I saw it, - Dwalin nodded. - I would like to know why.

\- By pure accident, - Ash said hoarsely. - If I thought, I wouldn’t.

\- I do not believe, - Dwalin shook his head. - You clung onto him... as if he was your guy.

\- I did not think, - Ash repeated. - And then it was too late.

\- Let it be, - Fili agreed peacefully, rubbing bruises on his wrist. - But you still saved my life. Thank you, brother.

Ash blinked in surprise, seeing that Fili leaned to him, and the next moment all his reflexes howled, demanding to hit, strangle, kill him, because he embraced him, hugged tightly, as if he had any right to do it. However, he immediately pulled back, as if he felt the reaction, and peered into his face. Ash tried to keep a straight face, but something, probably, still gave him away, because Fili became sad and sighed.

\- Patience.

Ash did not understand why Dwalin said it, but he had no time to think about it - the dwarf grabbed both guys by the collar and hauled to their feet. Reeling back, Ash fell on Fili and felt a handle of his knife. He took advantage of this chance. The knife quickly changed the owner, and Ash felt truly calm for the first time. He was not afraid of the exposure, Fili will hardly suspect him after today’s incident. He would rather think that he dropped it while hanging over the abyss.

He forgot that he had to be searched, and when they got to the cell, he got nervous when he saw that Dwalin made his way to him. He was about to think that he failed, but suddenly Fili intervened.

\- Come on, Dwalin, - he waved his hand. - We did nothing today, except hanging over the abyss.

Dwalin hesitated, but then shrugged.

\- Just for today, - he said, and Ash chuckled to himself.

His guards moved to the door, when he, suddenly even for himself, called Fili.

\- Hey, wait a minute. I want to ask you.

Dwalin also stopped.

\- Only you, - Ash repeated emphatically.

\- It will not take long, - Fili smiled to Dwalin smiled, he shrugged his shoulders and went out, cautiously looking at Ash. Yes, this dwarf is unlikely to trust him ever. Although it didn’t worry him so much.

\- What do you want?

Fili came so close to him that it was possible to stab with the hidden knife right in the heart. But Ash really wanted to ask him of something, so he gave up the idea, not even having time to wonder why it did not seem seductive to him anymore.

\- I wanted to ask you about our parents, - Ash said, looking at his face. - Where are they?

\- Our mother died long ago, shortly after your birth, - Fili said after a pause. - And father... father was killed by orcs three years ago.

Ash silently swallowed.

\- Orcs attacked the caravan, which went from the Blue Mountains, and slaughtered everyone. Maybe you've heard something about it?

Fili stared into his eyes, and Ash knew what actually his brother asked. Whether he participated in the raid. A few days ago he would laugh in his face and confirm it, but for some reason today he did not want to lie, did not want his brother to think of him worse than he really was. He made a sign of negation.

\- I was not there.

Fili lowered his head, looking at the toes of his boots, and relaxed. Another good moment to strike, and again Ash did not use it. Instead, he suddenly leaned forward and gently, as if fearing to startle, touched his hand, stroked gently, as if he could comfort him. Fili flinched, but did not take his hand, only raised his head, catching dark eyes. His clear blue eyes looked calmly, attentively, and seemed to look into the soul, penetrating into the deepest corners of it, tearing off the covers, pulling out something that was buried and forgotten long ago. Ash could not look away, but for some reason did not want to attack anymore. On the contrary, when Fili leaned to him, he jerked forward and hugged his brother as tight as he did.

\- You will not leave, will you? - Fili asked softly and Ash just sighed.

\- You realize that it changes nothing, don’t you?

\- You are my brother.

\- Dwarfs will always see an orc in me.

\- Nobody knows anything, - Fili pulled away. - Only the closest people.

\- Sometimes it is enough.

\- But you can not sit here forever.

\- I can not.

Ash climbed on the bed with his feet, hugged the knees and thought. Until that moment he was going to kill Thorin and whether it would be, but now something in him, something forgotten long ago was saying that it is wrong, that his death would upset Fili. After all, Fili also lost a lot in his life. Is it fair to deprive him of a relative?

"Fair", - the inner voice snorted. - "You're talking about justice? Well, then what about you? Is it fair that you lived, fighting for every piece of meat, for every sip of water, for the opportunity to live and breathe? Is it fair that they had forgotten you so quickly and had not look for? Is it fair that now you are held here as a prisoner? Why do you feel pity for someone who lived a hundred times better than you? In the end, you had lost much more, and he... he will become a king."

"That's it, a king," - the voice said to Ash. - "I am a soldier, this is my destiny, and I don’t want to change it. But to fight with the dwarves, I have to hate them, and if Fili becomes the king, it will be impossible. I feel that I can not... I can not hate him. What can not be said about Thorin."

\- Let me go, - he said suddenly and looked at Fili. He just shook his head.

\- You said that I could not sit there forever.

\- It's not for me to decide, - Fili smiled sadly. - I would - if you promised not to escape - let you go.

\- Would believe an orc? - Ash's eyes narrowed.

\- Kili...

\- Don’t, - he jerked.

\- Kili, - Fili repeated even firmly and reached for his hand.

\- Do not touch, - the dwarf recoiled. - Do not touch or I'll kill you.

Fili sighed and pulled away, but did not go, he sat beside him, with his hands resting on his knees.

\- I would believe you, Kili, - he said again, and Ash blinked. - But Thorin is unlikely, at least until he is secure in your...

\- Allegiance?

\- Nobody requires it. At least obedience.

\- You killed those who had been faithful to me and to whom I was faithful, - Ash said after a pause. - And now do you want me to forget about it?

\- We killed orcs, the enemies, - Fili said. - And you would have to think that you can’t go anywhere. Orcs will kill you.

\- It’s better to die than to be eternal prisoner.

\- Are you sure about this?

Ash said nothing.

\- Think of it, - Fili stood up, straightened his jacket. - You do not want to tell the place where you had lived, I understand you, but I'm sure Thorin does not care about the small orc village, but he would be glad to know where and when they plan to attack. If you think of it all carefully, you will realize that you can gain.

\- Why do you want it? There is so much trouble with me.

Fili shrugged, then fumbled in his pockets and handed Kili the red cat, which he had examined in the toy workshop.

\- Bifur - the dwarf with an ax in his head - said that you liked it.

Kili looked at the stretching cat as if hypnotized, then took it, ran his fingers over its concave back and smiled.

\- Long time ago I had a cat, - he said. - Very similar to this one.

\- Did you? - Fili was surprised. - What happened to him?

Kili smiled wryly, remembering scraps of red hair, adhering to the knife, and shrugged.

\- It escaped.

Fili didn’t continue to ask, just sighed.

\- Well, the day was hard and we both need a rest.

He went to the door, but stopped, turned to Kili still examining the toy.

\- Do think of my words.

Kili nodded, and a moment later the door slammed shut, the lock clicked during closing. Fatigue was strong indeed, but Kili could not fall asleep for a long time, twisting from side to side. He took out a knife and hid it properly, deciding not to carry it with him, Dwalin may want to search him, and Fili would not be within call.

Fili.

Kili lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and bit his lip nervously. Brother, whom he has never had and never asked for. He liked him. He liked his directness and honesty, calmness and dignity. He really was the heir of a great kingdom and, no doubt, will be a good king when his turn will come. Probably, it would be pleasant to serve him. Certainly more pleasant than to the leader. Kili sighed, frowning, and absently stroked the cat lying next to the pillow. It is necessary not to forget it when he leaves this place.

The next few days Kili was pondering about what to do. The attitude towards him still remained wary, though softened slightly. He was not searched anymore, Dwalin looked calmer and even Thorin came to thank him. The talk they failed, because Kili taunted and smirked, feeling safe with his brother, and Thorin could not strike him heavily for the same reason. The reason quietly listened both of them, shining with bright eyes, and just frowned when Kili was ready to cross the border to calm him down. Thorin still irritated him.

\- You should not talk with the uncle like that, the next time he may not be deterred, - Fili said, when Thorin left. Kili just snorted. He knew it, but could not behave differently. One glance at the king rose in his soul something caustic, angry, resentful, and it was difficult to hold back.

\- I will try, - he grunted, breaking himself, shrugged, and Fili smiled slightly.

\- Even if I did not know you were relatives, I would understand it now, - he said. - Both are stubborn as a mule, and even frown in a similar way.

Kili looked at him sourly and his brother nodded.

\- That's it, Thorin sometimes looks just like you. Especially when he knows that he not right, but he can’t abandon his words.

\- And who calms him down?

\- Dwalin.

Kili could hardly imagine that husky Dwalin can reassure someone - unless with the blow to the head - but decided to believe Fili.

\- Tell me, how did you survive, - his brother faltered suddenly and Kili choked with a piece of cake, which he had brought him.

\- Why? - he asked, blinking back tears.

Fili shrugged and said nothing, but looked demanding. Kili sighed, put the last piece into his mouth, chewed slowly and thought.

\- I do not know, - he finally said. - It just happened.

\- Did anybody help you? - Fili asked cautiously.

\- Well, in your understanding, probably, not - Kili said. - The orcs has a simple rule - beat or will be beaten. As I can remember, I always had to fight - for food, for water, for a piece of the blade. It’s a childhood of every orc, whether he son of the leader or a common soldier.

\- Do they know the relationship? - Fili said in surprise, Kili took offence, but then reminded himself that his brother knows nothing about the orcs.

\- They do, - he said coldly. - They're not animals.

\- Many would not agree with you, - Fili shook his head. - Orcs are spiteful, spoiled creature, disfigured elves.

\- Oh, you amaze me, - Kili snorted and shook his head. - You should also remember the first music. When this disfiguring was, and how many thousands of years have passed since then, how much fresh blood flowed in orc tribe. Orcs now even look differently, if you saw those faces that had been at least a hundred years ago - they have a couple of old men - you would consider the present orcs to be handsome.

Fili recalled bared, protruding fangs and mentally disagreed with his brother, but did not argue, just nodded, so he continued.

\- When little orcs grow up, they begin to learn.

\- Learn what?

\- To kill all non-orcs, - Kili grinned and blushed, seeing Kili’s look full of pity. - Do you think they are living in a fairy tale? None of you will ever think to negotiate with an orc, he will be immediately killed.

\- How to negotiate with orcs if they immediately get into the fight? - Fili could not stand it.

\- It’s you, seeing us, are quick on the draw!

\- Them.

\- What?

\- Them. You're not an orc.

Kili squinted with all his might, trying to hold back the anger and succeed, at least he managed not to rush at Fili.

\- I'm an orc, though was born not among them, - he hissed. - Do you think feeding and toys are enough to forget it? Since I can remember, I was proud of being an orc. I climbed up, I tore the throats of those who wanted to excel me, I tried to become a strong warrior.

\- You did it, - Fili said gently, when Kili, panting, paused and was grateful that Fili did not try to touch him. - Thorin says you fought marvelously.

Kili rubbed his side, which still ached sometimes despite the skinned over wound, and chuckled.

\- But they still managed to beat me. By the way, pretty meanly - by stunning.

\- Nori was supposed to kill you, - Fili said. - But you took off your helmet, and Thorin changed the order.

\- Do you mean I owe it to him that I am still alive? - Kili squinted.

\- And will it change anything in your attitude to him? - Fili said.

\- No, - Kili replied.

\- Then I will not say anything more.

For a while they were silent, and then Fili ventured to ask him another question.

\- I saw your back, - he began cautiously, paused, waited for Kili’s permitting nod and continued. - Were you... tortured?

\- No, - Kili replied immediately, thought and add. - In our understanding, no.

\- What do you mean? - Fili frowned, trying to understand.

\- This is a ritual of initiation into manhood, - Kili explained. - Each orc must pass through it at a certain age. We have... how do you call them... priests who gave these wounds, and the deeper, the more terrible the scars, the more honorable.

\- Yeah, - Fili swallowed. - You back is notably drawn.

\- Yes, I endured longer than the rest, and immediately became a senior in the squad, - Kili boasted. - Well, not only because of this, of course, - he added - I am a very good scout.

\- I have no doubt, - Fili nodded.

\- You won’t even ask me what I learned, will you? - Kili looked at him keenly.

\- I ask you about the things I am interested in, - Fili calmly met his gaze. - Besides, I know perfectly well that you will not answer me.

\- And if I do?

Kili tilted his head to the side, staring into the eyes of his brother, trying to catch at least a shadow of doubt or impatience, but Philly was completely calm.

\- Are you interested in what I would do with this information? - He asked. - I think you're smart enough to guess.

\- You would tell Thorin, - Kili said confidently. Fili just shrugged. - Therefore, we will always be on different sides.

He did not want, but somehow his words sounded plaintively. Fili looked at him a moment, then gently reached out and put his arm around his shoulders, pulling his brother towards him.

\- I would like to be on one side, brother.

\- It is impossible, - Kili muttered, but somehow did not attempt to escape from the rather weak embrace.

\- Everything is possible as long as you live, - Fili shook his head.

\- Will you be able to leave with me? - Kili asked suddenly.

\- What?

\- Well, with me, to orcs.

\- You know that I could not survive there, - Fili smiled so quietly, as if the thought did not seem to him wild and terrible.

\- And if you could, would you go? - Kili continued to ask stubbornly.

\- Yes.

And somehow in the "yes" there was so much confidence that he believed him unconditionally.

It was after this conversation, when Ash decided to get out of Erebor as soon as possible. He will never be a dwarf, and the conversation with Fili finally assured him in this. Who will he be here? Found younger brother-orc, pardoned out of pity? He did not want to. He hated pity and, imagining that someone would treat him in such a way, felt a wave of blinding rage rising from the depths of the soul. No, he will not stand, will definitely cut someone’s throat. He just can not cut out the entire Erebor. Everybody will treat him in such a way once they learn, and they will certainly learn. Of course, there will be hate too, but it is much easier to handle, than pity... He cringed at the thought of it.

No, he needs to go back to orcs. It will be better for everyone.

He had to hurry with preparation, because it was supposed to become cold soon, but Ash restrained impatience, listened carefully and looked around, trying to work out a plan of escape. Luckily, he was watched a little less, and even a couple of times there was not any guard at the cell door. Of course, the locks were closed, but Ash examined them thoroughly and was confident that he would be able to open them. But first he had to think everything through.

It happened occasionally. After another walk through the workshops - Ash was finally allowed to stand at the threshold of the armourer shop - Fili dragged him into the kitchen.

\- Lita cooks the most delicious cakes, - he said smiling, and a cute dwarf-woman winked them.

"Would you smile to me if you know who I am?" - Ash thought, smiling to her industriously.

\- Which one will you eat? - Fili poked him in the side. - With meat, chicken or potatoes?

Ash blinked helplessly, unable to choose, his mouth watered.

\- All right, - his brother has understood him. - Let’s take a bit of everything.

While Fili, laughing with the cook, took them food, Ash quietly looked around. Nothing special, an ordinary kitchen, but in the far corner he noticed a half-open door. Slowly, trying not to attract attention, he quietly moved closer to it, gently pushed froze, suddenly fearing that it could creak. Everything turned out all right. The door opened noiselessly, and Ash saw a narrow spiral staircase going down behind it, listened to the distant noise of water, and grinned. It seems the way out was found.

He decided to leave the very night. He had a knife, he hid some food, the boots were scatheless - what else is needed. He imagined the face of Thorin, when he learns that his prisoner had escaped, and grinned, then suddenly thought of Fili and grimaced. He did not fully understand why, but this young dwarf, whom he could not call his brother, became close to him. It was dangerous because made Ash think of staying here, and Ash could not stay.

This evening the guard left his post again, and Ash, who had listened intently to the steps, immediately jumped to his feet. The lock succumbed not at once, Ash had to work hard, but then it clicked quietly and opened. Ash chuckled contentedly, gently opened the door, looked out into the corridor and cautiously looked around. All around was still. Then he gently moved in the direction where, as he remembered, the kitchen was. Step by step, stopping, hiding in the dark niches, he advanced through the long corridors, struggling with completely opposite desires, which shredded him. One pulled him to run quickly in order to reach the exit door, the other told him that the best thing would be to go back to his cell, cover his head with a blanket and sleep, sleep, and the next day to have a good meal and meet his brother. Fili had promised to bring him to the ramparts.

Ash paused, closed his eyes, plucking up his courage, and then shook his head resolutely and walked forward. They won’t accept him, even Fili takes trouble over him only out of pity, and all his questions only because of it. How will he live if everyone around feels pity for him? No, the pain and sufferings, that surely await him in the camp of the leader, are much better. And let them live as they lived - even Thorin - until they meet again in battle. And then finally the steel will become their judge.

The kitchen door creaked slightly from his push, and Ash froze, listening for someone’s footsteps. But everything was quiet. He could not resist and grabbed a couple of pies that Lita baked for the morning. Perhaps, even for him. Ash shook his head, driving away the regret again. Apple pie was especially tasty, he chewed it while trying to figure out how much he will have to go down. It’s good that he has to descend the stairs, not a rope.

Invisible river roared, it was cold at the bottom, and Ash suddenly felt that his hair rose on the nape. But not from the cold.

Sometimes it happened to him - as if time began to stretch, sounds were muted, but something, which name he doesn’t know, became subtle. Flair? Premonition? No matter how it is called. Now this feeling was literally screaming that there was someone behind him. Ash did not let himself even flinch, still looking down, listening with all his might, fearing to hear a rustling from behind, and suddenly he understood - the manhole cover was open when he came in, that's why he was excited. There definitely was someone else.

Carefully, trying not to give himself away, Ash pulled his hand to the handle of the knife tucked into his belt, and stepped back from the stairs. He even had time to think that it was stupid to stand over the abyss so openly - one push and that’s all - when he was attacked. Ash was already was on the alert and leaped to the side, avoiding the blow. His opponent managed only to hurt his side slightly, however, it was enough to knock him down. Ash rolled across the floor, feeling that his shirt is wet with blood, but he immediately jumped up. Just a scratch undeserving his attention.

His opponent was very strong and rushed at him again, trying to finish Ash, who inopportunely was on this way. Perhaps, if he were an ordinary dwarf, it would work, but not with the guy who grew up fighting for his live day and night. Ash jumped and jerked to the side, trying to hit the attacker's side. He growled and blocked his shot, tried to throw him back, but Ash quickly dived under his arm and saw his face. He was so sure that the attacker was an orc that was taken aback, realizing that he was not.

However, in the struggle for life the race of the attacker has not the slightest importance. Orc, dwarf, human - no matter who tries to stab you, and Ash struck the enemy with his head in the face, without any hesitating, hitting the nose. There was a crunch, and the dwarf fell back with a choked cry, clutching his face. Ash tried to take advantage, leaped forward, aiming a knife in his unprotected belly. There was not chainmail on the dwarf, probably, he took it off not to give himself away with a rattle, and it was easier to go upstairs, so Ash almost saw the knife entering the body through the leather of his jacket. But the dwarf was a good warrior, and even blinded by the pain he had not lost the knack. He failed to strike with a sword, just waved, hitting flat, but Ash was carried to the table. The sound of bringing down pots and trays could awaken a half of Erebor.

Probably the dwarf realized this, because, cursing, he ran to the stairs, trying to escape. What he did not expect was that the guy, who seemed to have lost his consciousness from the cruel blow, would come to himself so quickly. Therefore, feeling a sharp pain in the back, he did not immediately realize what happened.

Ash was not going to throw his only weapon, but there was no other way out. The knife stuck in the shoulder of the dwarf, trying to escape, and he screamed, finally breaking the silence of the night. Quick clatter and clash of weapons were heard from the distance. Perhaps, night guard finally woke up. But Ash was not going to stand by and watch the wounded running, therefore, wincing from the pain in his bruised shoulder, he rushed forward. The only thing that he had at the moment was a pan. Not too convenient weapon, but lacking something better, it would fit.

The dwarf was very close to saving manhole, but when he stepped on the first step, Ash landed his back like a cat. He managed to strike him on the head several times, before the guard finally stumbled into the kitchen. Dwalin led them. Seeing a familiar face, Ash rose, distracted for a moment, and immediately paid the price for his mistake, getting hit with a dagger in his side. Disoriented enemy swung again, but Ash, hanging on to him with an iron grip, sank his teeth into his ear. The dwarf squealed with pain, took a step back, stumbled and flew down.

It was so nice and peaceful in the darkness that he did not want to open his eyes. There was no pain, which greatly tormented his body, when he came to himself just for a moment, there was no bitter liquid, which, someone, cursing, poured into him, there was nothing. Only darkness and piece. He liked it, and was not going to change anything, for the first time allowing himself just to relax.

\- Kili.

He frowned painfully, hearing that voice again. The speaker was not unpleasant for him, he remembered it exactly, but for some reason he did not want to understand that he felt good in this warm darkness.

\- Kili.

He sighed, knowing that he would not let him alone, and barely opened his eyes, expecting every moment that mind-numbing pain was about to come. But for some reason there was no pain, perhaps, the bitter decoction finally had an effect.

\- Thank Mahal.

Sitting next to him, pale Fili smiled weakly and moved closer.

\- You did not come to consciousness for four days.

\- I fell down the stairs, - Kili said hoarsely, licking his parched lips. - Give me something to drink.

Fili nodded, got up and returned a moment later with a glass, lifted him and helped to drink. Fresh, tasty water seemed to give forces to Kili, and there was no need to make an effort to keep his eyes open.

\- I thought I counted all the steps to the bottom, - he said, straining his memory, when Fili laid him again.

\- Only four flights, - he shook his head, - but Gror fell on you.

\- Who? - Kili was surprised, and then he remembered. - Oh, that one. Is he dead?

\- He broke his neck, - Fili nodded and clenched his fingers nervously. - We thought that you too.

\- Thorin, probably, regrets that it is not true, - Kili grinned and hissed with pain, feeling that a crust on his injured lower lip cracked.

\- Thorin took you out from there, - Fili said sternly. - No one was allowed. Gror is a mercenary of one of the clans, and we waited for the attack. But we didn’t not think that he would try to get straight into the city. Luckily, you decided to escape that night.

Kili unflinchingly met his accusing gaze, wanted to shrug, but remembered of piercing pain and decided to refrain from unnecessary movements. Fili looked at him for a few moments, and then looked down.

\- We have decided, - he said quietly, - that you, as soon as you recover, are free to leave at any moment. You will be given weapons, clothing, money. All what you want, and you can go wherever you want, either to orcs, or...

He waved his hand and stood up.

\- Thank you, - Kili said hoarsely.

Fili nodded again, still not looking at him, and went to the door, holding very straight.

\- And if I want to stay?

For some reason this question worried Kili so much, that he strongly dug his fingers into the blanket and they turned white. Fili froze and turned to him slowly. Contrary to usual, he did not smile.

\- Are you sure you do not run away at the first opportunity?

Kili wanted to grin, as before, to say that now, when he had actually saved their lives, he wanted to get his reward, or that he would promise nothing, because... He could not think out why, - It suddenly turned out that he just did not want to say anything like that. Especially not to Fili, no matter whether he owed it to him that he was still alive, or not. Kili suddenly remembered how he had pulled his brother out of the abyss, and how he had carried cakes for him and conducted him through the workshops. He remembered that Fili’s eyes lit up when he told something interesting, he smiled looking at him - without pity, as at an equal. Kili definitely wanted Fili to smile him again.

\- I will not run away, - he said very quietly, staring at the person standing in front of him.

\- I would like to believe you, - Fili replied in the same tone and shrugged his shoulders. - But I can not.

Kili didn’t feel the familiar rage, only emptiness, and he leaned forward as far as he could.

\- I will not run away, no, - he tried to make his voice more sincere. Of course, it will not be enough to convince Fili, but somehow Kili really wanted to do it.

\- Why?

Fili finally looked straight into his eyes.

\- I do not know, - Kili grinned and, biting his lip, lay back on the pillows. - Perhaps, that night I finally realized that I am not an orc.

\- But you killed a dwarf, - Fili reminded him.

\- Who came to Erebor to kill your uncle, and, perhaps, you, - Kili said, closing his eyes. - I knew it as soon as realized why the manhole was open. I could just take a step forward, and I do not think that he would give himself away, but I reached for the weapon and then he attacked.

\- Probably, he picked you for one of the guards, - Fili nodded and approached the bed again, but he did not sit down, leaned on its head. - So why did you do it? Why did you decide to protect us?

\- Of course, not because of Thorin, - Kili snorted and grimaced with darting pain.

\- Because of me?

\- What do you want me to tell you? - Kili wearily looked at his brother. - That for the first time someone needed me and I did not want that someone to be killed? Well, that’s it.

Fili looked at him for a few moments, then felt in his pocket and pulled out a red cat, which Kili, as far as he could remember, put it in his pocket before escaping. One paw was gone, but that did not spoil it.

\- I never thought it would be spared.

He enthusiastically examined the toy without looking at Fili, and therefore did not see that his gaze became warmer. Finally, Fili sighed and sat on the bed.

\- When you get on your hind legs, we will come to the ramparts again.

Kili looked at him.

\- Won’t Dwalin put chains on me?

\- I think, we’ll solve this problem.

Kili nodded and went on to examine the toy, trying to find other damage. Fili just leaned back in the bed and looked out the window, the sun was already beginning to go towards the horizon. Despite the dusk, it was calm and warm in his heart.

 

 


End file.
